30th March 2017

Courtesy of the epic bog situation, we were running behind getting to the land of wine (and Lord knows I was keen to get to Disneywineland) however Miss L at work had told me we had to go and see the Tingle Trees.  The word “tingle” gives the visual of cute, little trees singing away “ting, ting, ting”.  We discovered this to be the polar opposite in the Valley of the Giants (side note – we now offer a gem of a vino at work from the VOTG!), these trees are MASSIVE and utterly stunning.

What impressed us was the amazing tree top walk that had been built so tourists could walk through this incredible valley.  The boardwalk was on a gentle slope, taking in all the different elements of the forest – the floor, middle and canopy – we even saw our first quokka – albeit a land based one – but he was furry and cute and we wanted to take him home with us!

The Tingle Trees are unique to the area and the girls found it intriguing they could stand inside the trunks, run straight through them and learn about a completely different ecology to the one we live in at home surrounded by the worlds oldest living rain forest -the Daintree. Country kids – sorry city folk – but they are a different breed.  Greenie Leftards I think someone once called us … !

Onwards to our campsite at Contos which luckily, after the Esperance debarcle, I had had the brains to pre-book – lucky too as we got the LAST site out of a possible 120 sites!  And I had a busted thong that had to be repaired in the Outback Way (I learned this in the West Mac Ranges!).  Who knew bread ties were so versatile?

A quick bush shower out the back of the truck in our swimmers (much to the amusement of those around us – especially when you have to put your hands down your pants with the soap to wash the bits) and a yummy meal before we flopped into the tents exhausted from shoveling several tonnes of bog sand.

We had to be up bright and early as the girls and I were having a surfing lesson in the Margaret River – yes – stop laughing – seriously – stop laughing – I mean it!  I don’t blame you really, you would have laughed your arse off if you had witnessed me squeezing my ample buttocks into the required wet suit, then probably fallen over in a maniacal, screaming heap when I did up the zip, squishing the belly fat together and feeling like someone out of the 18th century in a corset – but hey – I rocked that wetty – in a Michelin Man kind of way!

What’s more – I SURFED!  Yes people, the 41 year old, mother of two, got her butt up on that board and hung ten!  The instructors were awesome – if you are down there, check them out at: www.margaretriversurfschool.com

They were so great with the girls, helping them in the water, cheering them on – I swear I have never laughed so hard in the water in my life.  It was utterly exhilarating and something I will never forget that I accomplished with my daughters.

From the waves to the caves – on wards to check out something different underground.

There are loads of caves in the area – and loads of charges associated with visiting them!  Managed by a range of different organisations – private and public – some of the costs were pretty outrageous.  We got lucky and stumbled down the rabbit hole of Giants Cave.  Bonus points for not allowing children under the age of 6!  Unlike many other caves, it’s run by WA Parks, is self guided and cheaper than most.  And for a tight arse like me that is perfect!  They were so fabulous with getting us the hard hats and torches, telling us about the things we would see, we were really excited!  There is quite a climb down into the cave, but the coolest parts are when you have to shimmy along crouched down deep into the cave where you then sit down and turn off your torches.  It is PITCH BLACK.  So strange!  Miss 12 got a bit freaked out, so we shimmied back along the path to the main caverns which were just spectacular – even complete with a green froggy!

https://parks.dpaw.wa.gov.au/site/giants-cave

Back on the surface it was time to go to Disneywineland and three blissful days in a real bed staying in a swish holiday home rented by my gorgeous friends Miss G, Mr D and their little monster Master 2.

Miss G and I have been friends for 25 years, skipped school together, dated some total dickheads, between us married and divorced three dickheads, done stupid things together (praise the Lord we didn’t have social media), supported each other through pregnancies, births, debutante balls, 21st birthdays, 40th birthdays, Pandora collections, tough times and awesome times … we were even one and a half hours late to our Year 12 Graduation … but that’s another story.

In typical Miss G style, a banquet was prepared to feed the ravenous trekkers, washed down with a mountain of bubbles and a whole lot of bullshit chatter.  Miss G is a LEGEND in the kitchen and I had been hankering for her cuisine for a few days – in fact I think there was just a bit of slobber on my pillow in the days leading up to seeing her …. !

Food and wine for the next three days was all that was on the menu – we killed it.

Baby beers and wine tasting galore – with the added bonus of the restaurant cocking up our meals and giving us ALL our drinks for free – whoo hoo!  Brewery after brewery, chocolate factory, ice cream factory, more cheese than you can imagine, a WINE DISPENSER and STUNNING scenery.  Mr D took the fall as designated driver even opting for some bush bashing along God knows what track – Google said it was OK and we had a lot of fun!  We were half cut the entire time so it was an ADVENTURE!

Master 2 only seriously cracked it once which was mightily impressive – we cottoned on pretty quickly his favourite movie was “Finding Nemo” so we watched that on 100% rotation and quoted “Shark Bait oohh ha ha” over and over again – we thought we were seriously funny.

We figured we had best exercise our bodies not just our drinking arms and munching mouths, so Mr D got his tour guide on and we went for a hike around the national park.  Master 2’s stroller wasn’t even a problem – in typical Aussie style we simply dragged it behind us!

And the result – more stunning views … and a family picture!

Completely tuckered out it was homeward bound to feed the ducks from our own private jetty and sink another bottle from Disneywineland.