I love castles … and palaces … and anything Royal. As an Australian living in the Far North, I have what may be considered a rather unusual obsession with Royal history – not just that of the Mother Country, but all Royalty – European in particular. Perhaps it is due to the fact they are predominantly all interbred, which has led to my extended interest? Except for the Danes – Royals are not allowed to marry another Dane – Mary was always in with a chance!

In May last year Miss G flew from Perth to Port Douglas to co host my tiara party in honour of the nuptials between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. We had a traditional English high tea complete with Mimosa’s and sparkling tiara’s, a game of “Guess which tiara Meghan will wear” (of which we failed spectacularly – my money was on the Strathmore Rose) and Miss G and I glued to the TV trying to shut our girlfriends up. Inevitably we had to rewatch everything the next day – and we loved it.

So you can imagine my excitement in travelling to Denmark – the home of Tassie bred Princess Mary and her dishy Prince Frederik, Amalienborg, Christianborg, Rosenborg – three Borg’s in one city. Then of course I get to go to Sweden to check out the Royal Palace and onwards to St Petersburg where I will drag the Husband through both Catherine Palace and Peterhof Palace. He won’t know it, but we will be going to the Winter Palace – disguised as none other than the Hermitage.

But, for now, back to Copenhagen. After shovelling down a three course breakfast (the tight arse way of skipping an expensive Danish lunch) we set off, excel spreadsheet itinerary in hand to Palace it up for the day. Now this is where I often come apart. Being so ridiculously organised, anytime the Husband wants to deviate from “The Plan”, I have to stifle an inward sigh and remind myself this is a joint adventure – even though I have planned and researched the entire thing – including organising his clothing so his balls won’t freeze off (believe me, if I hadn’t – his balls would have been sultanas by now – a mere two days in).

But so far he is doing as he is politely instructed and power walking to Rosenborg Castle. Small in terms of what you would consider a castle if you had been to England or Ireland, however incredibly beautiful with painted ceilings, a rich history AND the Crown Jewels. Of course the Husband delighted in the discovery of what he considered a zombie baby inlaid into the former King’s crown – going so far as to take a photo, crop and enlarge it and post it with description of said zombie baby on Bookface. Whatever keeps him happy in my Castle.

I think it’s the incredible history that draws me to Europe. The Danish Royal Family is the oldest, continuous Royal family in the world, with the first castle built in Copenhagen in 1167. You can see the history in the tapestry’s on the walls, the portraits of Royals gone by, yet despite its age, many traditions are still observed today.

The stunning baptismal set in the vault is still used to baptise royal bubbas today.

The unbelievably stunning, four sets of what make up the Danish Crown Jewels, were left to the State by Christian VI’s Queen, Sophie Magdalene in 1749. She wanted to ensure they remained with the Crown, therefore did not bequeath them to one person, however only one person can wear them – the Queen – and only within the borders of Denmark. It was incredible to see them up close, as I had observed them on Queen Margrethe a number of times – the emeralds being my favourite – but a smash and grab was not going to be a possibility given the strapping young Danish Guards pacing up and down the front of the Castle – and the security cameras and most likely bullet proof glass – but hey, an Aussie girl can dream – after all, one of them married a Prince didn’t she?

Interestingly, like the UK, Denmark is a Constitutional Monarchy, however, unlike the UK, the Monarch is no longer anointed and does not sit on the throne. She stands in front of it during ceremonies, however never sits on it. Tradition is still weaved into everything though – with the silver lions being taken from Rosenborg to guard the body of a Royal as they lie in State, and, the Queen still hears from citizens on a Monday at Rosenborg when necessary – in front of the thrones. I wonder if this high approval rating of the Danish Monarchy (the same exists for the Swedish Monarchy) is in part due to the shedding of their belief they have been chosen by God (removal of the anointing) and change to a true, rather than half arsed absolute, monarchy. Something to chew on.

Pic: Baptismal set, silver lions, one of the oldest Venetian glass collections.

According to “The Plan” it was off to the Round Tower and then Christianborg Palace. However, we had managed the Round Tower the day before so there were some lines on the spreadsheet to move.

Pic: The Round Tower was built before the Church was attached to it.

Both of us had read the famous “Little Mermaid” statue was one of the most over rated icons of travel, but the Husband thought we had come all this way so we had best check it out. Well, sorry to say, but it’s pretty underwhelming – although interesting to note she has been beheaded twice, painted wild colours and had an arm chopped off over the years – giving her a bit more street cred in the world of iconic statues. Of course there were your stereotypical tourists hogging her for a solid 15 minutes trying to snap the perfect Instagram upload so I sat on a bench, bemused, watching the Husband attempt to get a snap and run with the SLR without succumbing to the delight of overseeing the demise of said hogging tourists into the Copenhagen Canal. Lucky for them, the Canal is deemed to be one of the cleanest in the world – swimmable if you are mad, and the fish are allegedly edible – if you are game.

Pic: Bike central – we weren’t game enough to hire one as after a couple of hours we realised you need to be a pro not to end up on your arse.

So it was off to Amalienborg to see Mez and to snap the obligatory pic in front of the famed balcony to add to my collection.

Unfortunately she had a sore pinky toe so we had to cancel our date, however it meant we could slide on over to Freetown Christiana to check out the hippies and the free trade of a selection of weed to rival the selection of dumplings available in Chinatown. Fascinating place with a crazy history and I smelled like a bong once we passed back through the gates heralding our return to the EU. Sorry, no pics allowed of trade on the appropriately named “Pusher Street” – you’ll have to take my word for it – but I was hungry after the experience.

Power walking in earnest we arrived at Christianborg Palace – now this is a Palace. The original castle was built in 1167 then replaced with Copenhagen Castle up until other European Royals who were visiting began to bitch behind the Danes backs that it wasn’t really a Castle and unbelievably still had a moat – considered rather tacky by this stage of the mid 1700’s. Hence the Monarch demolished it and built the first Christianborg Palace.

Pic: Stunning reception rooms – still used today.

The Palace has suffered the unfortunate, yet rather common fate of burning down – twice. Wood – not such a great building material in a country where you are constantly heating everything – in particular, in the 1700’s when the way one heats a Palace is by burning wood. Do we think perhaps stone may have been a better option? Yes of course you say – however I cannot pass off this logic as my own – it was made apparent to me by an English tour guide in Sweden – more on him later.

Interestingly, the magnificent dining table in the Dining Room is not used. It is made of recycled wood courtesy of the grand staircase from the second burning of Christianborg, and the foot rests under the table are the original hand rails – clever. However the acoustics are complete rubbish according to our guide, so the Dining Room is never used as a Dining Room. The Banquet is set up in the Great Hall surrounded by the modern tapestries, the meal prepared at Amalienborg then driven over to Christianborg, sent up to the Dining Room (which has been transformed into a make shift kitchen), finished off, plated up and then served to the guests in the next room. Tricky!

To keep the Husband engaged not enraged, we visited the ruins underneath Christianborg – absolutely fascinating – and very much something boys like. Both the outer wall of the original castle built in 1167 and that of Copenhagen Castle are visible – plus the remains of a 900 year old latrine pit. It really is wonderful to see the preservation of such archaeology – and weird to be looking at something built by hand nearly 1000 years ago.

By this time the Husband is nearing Palace overload and fifteen kilometres of walking in new shoes has done his pinky toes in so it’s time for manly man beer o’clock. This is where the Nordic region has won me over – they sell non alcoholic beer in the pub. Cold, icy, non alcoholic beer – in a pub. AND, there is a SELECTION. This is like striking gold for little miss non drinker – usually I am bored out of my sober skull in a pub waiting for people to finish (I don’t know whether you have noticed or not, but those drinking soft drink tend to drink it fairly quickly compared to those drinking a pint) therefore get the sighs up and want to go home. So now I am all excited and on a mission to try all the non alcoholic beers I can find. And the other thing? No one has looked at me like I am mental when I ask for it – in fact it was OFFERED by a bar tender when I tried to order a hot choccie which they didn’t have and advised I didn’t drink. Is this a one off? It appears not – because I had non alcoholic wine with my dinner – life is good!

So after savouring the pretend beer, we opted for the all you can eat buffet in the extortionately expensive area of Nyhavn – touristy = bust out the big notes – together with my non alcoholic vino topped off with a delightfully fattening crème brulee – which I didn’t think I would finish but which the waitress said I would – and I did.